Heart Means Everything.

I’m really getting sick of always being down and depressed and I’m not dealing with it much longer. I go to bed at night wondering what it’s like to be happy and satisfied. Or wishing to be happy and satisfied, I’m 15 years old and shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. I should be happy and satisfied. I’m getting to the point were I can’t even explain my feelings and I’m sick and tiired or everything

Direction

I’d really love a shrink by my side twenty four seven. I never know what to do, what’s right that is. I’ve been so scattered, quiet & different. I really need to get my shit together and a sense of direction. And to learn to suck it up & fucking deal.

All I wanted was a happy ending a better life, just stay with me

Obviously

I really just wish I had that one friend, I could trust with absoultly everything and tell everything to. That would never lie to me, and was always there. Im tired of getting my hopes up, for nothing. Or hearing this and that, and not knowing what to believe. Im really starting to get fed up with everything, and everyone. Im done. I give up, basically. Obviously what I wanted was a little to much to ask for..

Im a mess

       This isnt here for anyone in particular to read, I just feel as thow this may help with the things ive been feeling. Read it if youd like, dont judge me.

        Ive come to relize that im probably one of the most imature people I know of. Sadly, we cant go back days, weeks, months, years or anything so Ive just learned from my mistakes and im really starting to work on maturing now. Lately, Ive been feeling very down, depressed, hopeless, and alone. I dont know the root of the problem, but whatever it may be isnt going to fix itself. Alot of changes have been happening in my life lately, and i think i just dont know how to handle it. I must say, in 8th grade I used to be the biggest bitch/stuck up girl I knew of ; and Ive done a HUGE turn around. That, didnt really help my emotions in anyway but i know it’ll pay off sometime. All in the past few months, my house has lost its charecter in a certian way. The shouting between me and my brother has now completly stopped, the barking of my 2 dogs has narrowed down to 1, the bickering between my mom and her “better half” has stopped. It was around June, a little after my birthday my brother moved out. Of course we fought, but having someone there everyday to talk to, and teach you new things was so great to have around. My dog Toby, that ive had since i was one passed away and hit me harder than i could ever imagine and my mom and her boyfriend decided to become just friends. We then bought a new house, and I now just live with my mom and dog Delilah. Shortly after we moved into our new house, my mom was going on long weekend trips and got me wondering. After i found out she was traveling hours away, and having alot of appointments in Glens Falls at the hospital I got severly worried to find out they were questioning breast cancer. I was so devistated. For the most part now, shes doing fine. Luckily! Theese past few months, Ive changed. New friends, new activitys, new hobbies. I went from hanging out and having sleepovers with my girls everynight, to my boys. Recently, I fell for a kid harder than I ever have before, and i still am. Theres a few huge obstacles in the way, I thought I could break thru & not let affect me, but I was clearly wrong. As im still trying to get threw this situation, its not working. Nothing helps. I guess its just a madder of time, and on a positive note can say that this was the main sitaution that I relized i need to mature. Things will hopefully get better in time